My Testimony

I grew up in a Baptist Christian home. Before I was born, my father was a Baptist preacher. So going to church was a must in our house hold. I remember my mother playing the piano and singing worship songs in the mornings. I always had the Spirit around me.

I got baptized when I was 10 at my mom's church. (My parents divorced when I was 9 but that is a different topic for another day).  I do not remember much about that day but I do remember going under the water and coming back up and smiling. I was so excited! I loved learning Bible verses and knowing more about Jesus! 

Then I grew up and went through the teenage emotions and questions. Lets just say, I made A LOT of mistakes. I started dating in high school and didn't put Jesus first. I knew everything back then. Right?? I felt like I wasn't close to the Lord as I needed to be so I got baptized at my then boyfriend's church. I guess I felt then like that was what you were supposed to do. I felt that was what would help me in my life as a renewed faith and it would help me get closer to the Lord himself. I didn't think I needed to do anything else. (I was very wrong!) My boyfriend and I had our ups and downs and I was mentally abused a lot. He cheated and it was just heart breaking back then. I didn't understand why he didn't love me like I "loved" him. We ended up breaking up. Right after, I met another guy who would end up being my husband. That relationship started out bad. I should've known better. I had the strength I needed and my wall built up to not get serious or end up in the same situation as my previous relationship or so I thought! Long story short, we got serious and I thought he had my best interest at heart but I was around drugs and things I would thought of doing and I became someone I did not know anymore. I felt so lost. Then he cheated, we broke up, I was heart broken. We ended up getting back together, engaged and married. Gosh it happened so quick! But I loved him. I did stop doing the bad I had previously done before we got married and he said that is why we started having problems. It was my fault for changing. I was raised that when you get married you fight through the good and the bad because God married you and you are now ONE. Divorce is not an option. Well, lets just say after finding out he cheated while married I went to read in the Bible in Matthew 5:32 where it states, "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery...".  I really had a hard time accepting this. I didn't want to give up. But it got to the point where I was not myself and I was struggling. I felt I was in a toxic relationship. I was mentally abused and was so confused about things. I will never forget the night I left. I called my mother and father and told them what was about to happen. I prayed for God to give me the strength through this. I remember walking in the door and he was playing a video game. I went straight to our balcony because my heart was beating so fast I had to calm down. I said another prayer and went back inside and told him everything. I knew he was cheating and I was leaving. He blamed it on me. I was totally heart broken. I filed for divorce on what would have been our two year wedding anniversary. I started smoking cigarettes again right before I filed for divorce which I'm not proud of.

Looking back, I have no regrets. I did make mistakes and it was difficult but I feel God puts people in situations to help grow them and make them who they are supposed to be. I am thankful to say that I am not who I was at 23 when I got married. I have grown so much through the hard times. I had to learn who I was and after my divorce that is what I did. I lived alone and had time for me. I still made a lot of mistakes but we all do. We are fallen and sin daily. But I do know that God is LOVE. He loves us unconditionally even though we fail him daily. How amazing is that?! It is hard to understand sometimes because we aren't that forgiving of others. I'm so grateful that the Lord forgives me when I repent and turn away from my sins. I did pray for God to help me to stop smoking. That was on Valentine's Day 2012 and I am thankful to say I have not smoked since then. God is here for us all. He knows our past and our future. He is so close to us and will never fail us. We gotta allow him to help us. I still fail him but my testimony is just that... I went through a roller coaster from my senior year in high school to 5 years later and it was tough but God was still there even though I felt so distant. God will NEVER leave us! We are his children. He is our Father, so just like a parents love for us...his love is so much stronger. I'm so thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for all he has done and still does for me. I can't live without him and the Holy Spirit he has graciously given to us all.

My prayer is this...

Father in heaven, I want to say thank you for Jesus who died for us. Thank you for your Holy Spirit who lives in us. I pray for everyone reading this that who might be going through something like I did or knows of someone who is. I know first hard how tough it can get. I pray for strength and peace for those individuals. I pray for happiness and for you to fill us with your Spirit and help us everyday. Protect us from harm and from any evil that will come our way. Give us strength for this day and help us always to come to you first if we have any problems. I love you Father and I thank you so much for loving us with agape love. I can't even begin to understand that love because it is so amazing. I appreciate all you do for us. Please forgive us of our sins and help us to be more like your son, Jesus Christ. I pray this in your son's beautiful and wonderful name, Amen.